A Reflection After My 28th Birthday...

Every year after my birthday I reflect, but this one is different.

My first thought is, I really believe I am that girl. Every day and especially when I get dressed. Not because of material things or fame that I do not have, but my confidence in my own skin no matter if I'm walking alone or with a group of people. I've battled a lot by myself and that has just built me up tremendously. It is really hard to be me but apparently I make it look easy.

After that, something I know about myself is that I am really sensitive and a lover. I love hard and I love deep. I love my family so much, my friends, my teammates and if I am in a relationship I'm pretty much obsessed. I'm also just a really affectionate person. My huge heart has also let me experience deep heartbreaks and disappointment. I've learned to be more careful with my love though. I've distanced myself from many people but ironically to protect myself.

I've been single going on 8 years now. I never thought that would be my life but I am actually happy for myself. I have grown and chased my dreams since my last relationship. A relationship that actually tore me apart. I really loss myself and it has taken me all this time to be back full. I was in denial for years but I was really depressed. People did not believe my pain, some actually added to it, but it was real and I dealt with it alone. I have dated in these years but ultimately it just has not been my time for something serious. My coping method for overcoming my heartbreak was staying in the gym. I really put my pain into my craft and it shows.

I have literally given my all and then some to be playing overseas. Wheww, you guys dont know the hours but you have seen some of them on instagram. Basketball has been my #1 outlet for a long time. I truly dont know where I would be if I didnt have the game. When im on the court that is when I feel at my best and the most cherished. I dedicated so much time into the game and untimately it has payed off. I've traveled to places I never thought I would and and that's all because of my dedication. I'm pretty sure my heart is shaped like a basketball and I love that for me because I was able to turn a hobby into a career. Life cant get any better than that. I recently expressed to a friend how I wish I could be the basketball player Shomari, off the court. In the game I am so confident, resilient, my communication is amazing and I have no doubts. When I am off the court sometimes I would doubt myself. My communicaton would be low and my confidence would be inconsistent sometimes. I know if I can transcend my basketball personality to real life situations, I can accomplish anything I want to.

I love to travel, I love meeting new people, I love a good time but I also love being in the house by myself listening to nothing. Its just something about the quietness thaat does it for me. I love putting on music, dressing up in all my clothes and putting outfits together that I hold for months, maybe even years. I love shopping, its just so soothing to me. Retail therapy is my go to.

I began to realize I didnt love myself enough and I also was not showing it. Now im going overboard with the self love because I deserve it. I have gave and gave and gave and gave. Idc what no one says, I show up for people all the time but I cant say its reciprocated. Last year I told myself I have to love mysef more. My goal last year was to practice self love and I did that, but my goal for 2023 is to maximize my self. I plan to do more things with myself that im genuinely interestd in instead of thinking I need to be with someone to do them.

I have no clue why I decided to post this on my social media but like I said, it was a random reflection and im basically just saying I love me. I think it is important to reflect on things in your life and love yourself. We all should do the work to fix some of our problems and become full after we have loss a part of ourselves. Working on yourself will always result in positivity.

Alright, if you have gotten this far please know that this was not a cry for help and that I am ok. Actually the most ok I have been in a long time. I am finally happy again and I appreciatee you for checking out my latest blog. Subscribe to stay updated with my most recent post!